Coat of many Explosions
by Rune Dela Vega
Summary: Diedara has made a new friend who is a mirror image to him, but can his friend stand looking in the mirror too. After they join Akatsuki will Sasori be able to remain sane with both of them being his partners. Only Kami and the author knows.
1. The start of the end

Prologue

In the middle of Kusa country there is a small town. A town which is said to be the gathering point of… well everything. This town took in everything from rouge ninjas to clowns and from ronin to dumb ass Uchihas. Yes my friend, Sasuke can be found in town usually at the gay bar. Thankfully, this story is not about him so I don't have to explain that.

No this story is about a chance meeting that brought about a new and wonderful friendship between two Anti-social men who, after a slight argument, turned rivals and destroyed the world… all over a Reese's peanut butter Easter egg.

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Chapter 1

The tavern in the middle of Nebilm was well known as the meeting place for many criminal organizations. It was outside the tavern that our first protagonist comes into play. A blonde jounin and slightly metro sexual looking, man went through the door looking at the room thinking, _'Damn they seriously need some green drapes and maybe some blue lights to offset those ugly blood stains.' _Ok, so maybe I lied about him only looking gay. Anyway, as he was pondering other ways to fix up the place he went to the table in the corner were he was told he would meet his contact; however, due to him arriving a little later then he had promised his table was taken. _'Crap, let me think… I wonder if he would get up if I offered him to rearrange his innards for free?'_ Feeling lucky he approached the man.

Here let us pause and examine this other man who, for now, will be known as protagonist 2. He was about 6'1", with brown hair, wearing a shiny purple shirt with a darker purple vest over top of it, and currently was sitting back in the seat smoking and shuffling a deck of cards in his hands. On the seat to his right sat a folded leather jacket, another two unopened decks of playing cards, and a brown fedora. Also, leaning against the wall next to him was a pimpin' staff with a small crystal skull at the top.

'_Well do or die time.'_ Thought our first protagonist. "Excuse me sir. I had this table reserved would you please move to another table?"

"No." Came the quick reply.

"But sir, I am expecting to meet some people who are expecting me to be sitting at this table." The blonde said.

"Well sit down at the table then. Just don't ask me to move." Protagonist 2 replied.

"Sir I'm telling you to move for your safety."

"I don't care," replied our knew favorite debater, "I didn't get where I am in life so I could be bossed around by a gay man who can't even paint his pwn fingernails properly."

"How dare you!!! You can question my sexuality, you can even say I'm bossy, but you never ever insult my nails!!!!" Blondie quickly reached into his hip pouch and drew it back out with no weapon in his clenched hand.

"Oh, and what are you gonna do about it? punch me?" Asked the man in purple.

"No." The lone Jounin then grinned evilly. "I'm gonna do this you color blind gimboid!!!" He then drew his arm back, opened it, cupping a… well a small clay bird. Then he threw it at the other man with all his might.

Purple dude acted as quickly as the first throwing a card at the object just as the bird left the mans hand. Imagine the shock and horror on both mens faces as the card and bird met in mid air and both started smoking and turning red. "OH SHIT!!!" They both said as they dove for cover. The blonde made it behind the counter of the bar before both objects exploded. When he could finally see again he got up wobbling a little and looked over the counter to see what happened to the rude guy.

"Thank Kami for sturdy tables." Said the brown haired man who was also trying to get up and walk straight.

"Hey you use explosives too!!!" Shouted the dumb blonde.

"Really? I hadn't noticed." Said my all time favorite character to write for. "Urgh I hate the ringing you get in your ears after that… OI Blondie what's your name?"

"It's Deidara not Blondie." He said

"Well Deidara my name is Remy… but I'd prefer if you'd call me Gambit." (That's right it was gambit… if any of you couldn't guess it after I mentioned the pimped out staff go watch the new X-Men movie.)

'_Gambit… that's an odd name.'_ Deidara thought. "Hey do you wanna get a drink and talk about some of the things you've blown up?"

Gambit blinked for a moment taking in what Dei said. Then he blinked again, _'Is this guy for real we just tried to kill each other and he acts like it's all forgiven. Well I guess it's all right I got nothing better to do.'_ "Sure I'm not doing much right now."

"You know Gambit…" Deidara started, "I believe this could be a start of a fabulous freindship."

As he finished singing out the last 5 sylables. Gambit started thinking _'Maybe I should run instead. after all he sounds Bipolar and they're really dangerous to be around.'_

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**AN: **well sorry for not udating my other story but after I went and saw X-men I had to write this instead. It will be a two-shot maybe three-shot max. Expect the update to "SI" sometime tomorrow or Sunday.


	2. Omake in the form of plot

Previous Chapter:

'_Gambit… that's an odd name.'__ Deidara thought. "Hey do you wanna get a drink and talk about some of the things you've blown up?"_

_Gambit blinked for a moment taking in what Dei said. Then he blinked again, __'Is this guy for real we just tried to kill each other and he acts like it's all forgiven. Well I guess it's all right I got nothing better to do.'__ "Sure I'm not doing much right now."_

"_You know Gambit… I believe this could be a start of a fabulous freindship."_

AN: fortunately this story is utter crac so very easy to write… it needs no plan except how to end which is decided already. Oh by the way for this story to work… work well everything Akatsuki has been delayed by… oh about 20 years… and diedara according that is now due to join up.

Some morning after the formation of team Hebi and in an unknown location… alright so not that unknown after all there is a cliff side with five faces on it. At a bar called The Broken Kunai we see two drunkards coming out still laughing about some unknown joke.

Walking down the street they stop at some random Ramen booth then went in and ordered. "FOUR ROUNDS OF SOMETHING ALCOHOLIC, DUDE!!!" Sitting down they continued laughing and telling random stories that started to make less and less sense.

"Soz then she picked up eh boid and the-the-tozzed it at he-hi-hert-her husb-b-band. It as a beautiful explosion." The blonde said before both of them started laughing harder

The operator of the booth shook his head then noticed that one of them had a ninja headband that was crossed out; thus, marking him a missing-nin. _'Thank Kami for the ninja aid buttons.'_ reaching under the counter he was halted when a card cut through the wires leading to the button. _'crap.' _Was all he had time to think before he was lifted up and over the counter by the non-ninja of the pair.

"you wouldn't be trying to get my friend here arrested while he's drunk would you mister…" The man looked at the name tag before continuing. "Mister Teuchi. After all I'd hate to see your daughter come to harm over something trivial as a harmless missing nin. But we are in a good mood… we'll even pay still." He said before he dropped Teuchi down on the ground and dusted him off. "The only price is that you tell us were the local bounty hunter district is."

Stunned at the simple request Teuchi just pointed to the right and said, "Take a right when leaving go down 5 blocks. then take a left, and go straight until you see the archway with a coat of arms. It is depicting a three ninja posing one carrying no weapon, another weilding a staff/spear, and another that is standing still and hold a hand sign you can't miss it… once there you are in the housing district for the bounty hunters."

Smiling the blonde man stood up taking his third unfinished drink with him while he stuffed the fourth into a pouch by his side. Pulling his hand out he droped some money on the counter to cover the cost of the drinks plus tip then tossed a gold coin to Tuechi. "Thanks old timer. It's been fun but we are on a tight schedule if we don't hurry someone is going to lower the bounty on our latest catch."

Staring at the coin the old man decided it was better to warn them as well for giving him the coin. "Be careful not even the ninja here go into the hunters residential area."

"thanks for the tip old man here have another." The brown haired fellow said before slipping two more gold coins into Teuchi's hands. As they turned to leave, the brown harired one reached back to the table and grabbed his last two drinks. Slipping one into his left pocket they took off towards their next destination.

Awhile later the two stopped in front of the archway leading to their stop. "Should we signal that we are not to be messed with or just kill anyone who tries to." The blonde asked his companion.

"Hmmm… I dunno. I'm leaning towards the second cause we don't get to blow up anything if we do the first."

"I agree… much better to blow up anyone who attacks us… bet I get a better explosion than you."

"not a chance of that happening." The brown haired one said.

"Does this mean you agree to the wager." the blonde said glancing side ways at his friend.

"Sure. How does a quarter of the bounty sound."

"Very poor I say a third." The blonde countered.

"Very well. Oh your shoe is untied."

"Thanks." The blonde said as he stooped to tie his shoe he realized he was wearing sandals. As he stood up he realized his friend had already taken off down the street and was currently hollering as loud as he could. Muttering to himself about how he'd get his friend back for that cheap tactic he ran after him.

To be continued…


	3. Chapter 3

AN: Academics like to pile up on you. Over the break from school a total of 20 some day I promised myself I'd write a new chapter. Well… Since I already have 8 chapters in the work, I changed it to COMPLETE a chapter in the time off. Instead I started work on this. I decided to finish it today despite me being tired so I hope you enjoy it. Hope you all had a wonderful break (Those that had one. Those that didn't well… to bad.).

Previous chapter:

"_Does this mean you agree to the wager." the blonde said glancing side ways at his friend._

"_Sure. How does a quarter of the bounty sound."_

"_Very poor I say a third." The blonde countered._

"_Very well. Oh your shoe is untied."_

"_Thanks." The blonde said as he stooped to tie his shoe he realized he was wearing sandals. As he stood up he realized his friend had already taken off down the street and was currently hollering as loud as he could. Muttering to himself about how he'd get his friend back for that cheap tactic he ran after him._

It was raining again in the country of Ame. Certainly the scene wouldn't be complete without the two 'Nuke-nin' walking down the street of a small city. And …Oh, look at that. They are arguing again.

"Hold it! That be my money we be talkin' 'bout". Said a man who was wearing a purple suit and had a pimpin' cane.

"Objection!" Returned the blonde man in a blue coat with explosion patches, and 4 large pouches on his belt. "You cheated you-!"

Before he could continue the first man cut him off, "Rejection! You're statement is invalid"

"Reflected! Melon's give better arguments. " Was the quick return from Blondie. (Dei, "What did I say before about that name" "Who's the author Dei… I am now shut up." )

Looking smug the man with the Purple suit pulled up a chair at one of the tables in the outside café. "Deflected! On the grounds of Random."

"Damn." Deidara grunted, "Here's your money." He then handed over 2 thirds of his bill fold to Gambit.

"Thank you. You should have just gone along with it from the beginning." Our favorite Should-have-been-X-man said as counted the money he had just been given. "After all it was clear I had the best explosion I blew up not only the half the office but the remaining Mercs as well. You know the effects of blood, fat, oak, and igneous rock better than anyone. I love rainbows. You just didn't enjoy it because I got to it first… After all it's always fun to make it look like you've blown up Toucan Sam."

"Remind me never to gamble against you. You always are beating me and taking the money I earn from our challenges." The blonde said still glaring at the stack of money that was being counted by Gambit.

"You need to learn shinobi are not the strongest thing in the world. Look at your Bijuu… they aren't ninja yet they are stronger than your leaders." He stopped for a moment to shout for sake then continued. "Sure they are another species, but I still say that doesn't matter. All it takes to beat a ninja is you dudes getting over confident. Then we'll see who winds up with a knife in their back."

A waiter arrived and set down the bottles and cups before going back inside to continue his work. Thus, we see one of Murphy's laws for anime: No one pays attention when it's important.

"Hmm… You bring a valid point oh Nabber of the coinage. However, I present to you this slight conundrum." Was Deidara's opening line. He glanced around shiftily almost conspiratorially then leaned in and said, "What if…" he changed into a whispered falsetto voice, _"I will eat your soul."_ He then jumped at Gambit aiming a punch at his face while trying to pick his pocket for the wallet. Before either of his hands made it to their targets he tripped landing face first into the mud

"Uh excuse me? Dei-Dei-san?" Came an infuriating voice from behind him. "Me thinks the kunai in your back is. Eh hee hee hee(AN: Think a Yoda laugh.)"

Under the murmur of the crowd Gambit heard his friend say, "Someone shoot him now."

"Why that is a very impolite thing to say. Especially to the person holding your wallet." Was the brunette's retort.

"NO! PLEASE NOT MY MONEY! GIVE IT BACK WITHOUT IT I CAN'T PURCHASE ANY MORE FOOD COLORING! YOU JUST GOTTA GIVE IT BACK! WAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!"

"Alright already. Geez, here's the stupid wallet." The pimp in purple said tossing the wallet into Deidara's open mouth. This action caused the blonde to start choking ok the wallet and, while the blonde was other wised engaged, Gambit continued. "Know this my friend. Hearing a key weapon to everyone, so if I get any issues with my ears now you are paying because of that tantrum. I hope I have made myself very clear on this. I have… **right** Deidara-kun." At some point during the blondes choking he managed to get to his feet. And while gambit finished he backed Deidara up to one of the nearby edges into the lake.

"Mad man…" started the blonde.

"What did you say?"

Before they could continue some random dude danced by the café listening to an iPod and singing, "The Hobbit's the Hobbit's The hobbit's. To Isengard To Isengard…"

After that was over Deidara had finaly raised his nerve to continue. "You're a mad man if you think I'll pay for your medical issues."

"Mad man… …" Turning for a moment Gambit gazed at the sunset, "I will share something with you Deidara… Everything the light touches… I can influence… Thus… THIS… IS… FANFICTION!" Finishing his scream he spin kicks Deidara into the lake.

Deidara started splashing around and screaming "I can't swim help me! Help me!"

"Ok. Here's a tip, stand up the water is three feet deep." With that Gambit turned around and started to leave the small town.

Feeling like an idiot as he climbed out of the water onto the platforms. He quickly formed some hand signs drying his clothes. He then ran to catch up to Gambit saying, "I hope we get to Amegakure soon. I want to see what this organization is about. I hope it's fun and we get to practice our arts."

"While I admit I am looking forward to it, I have a bad feeling about this." Said gambit before both men disappeared.

Back at the café the waiter came out and realized the guys from earlier didn't pay before they left. "Crap!"

AN: I am moving to Yourfanfiction dot com until I see FF dot net Apologize for the shit that has happened. June 4th 2012 they announced they would finally back up their MA clause. While I have no problem with that I do have a problem with them destroying stories by deleting them from existence. Fellow Authors have lost Years worth of work and I will not stand by and all our admins to gain from that kind of behavior. I hope you will join us on URFF and on Yourfanfiction dot chatango dot com (We plan to hold weekly meetings, every Friday, for sharing fanfiction faves.).


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